The Gundam Snow Boarding Trip
by Mal2
Summary: Duo gets the gundam group to go on a snowboarding trip in Colorado! I swear you will laugh your ass off! The killer monkey comes back! The first Chapter is Heero's "journal"


Heero's Diary Diary Journal 12/20 AC 196  
  
"NO! No way in hell Duo!" Duo may have convinced Quatre but he wasn't convincing me! Unlike Quatre I wasn't naive!  
  
"PLEASE HEERO!" Duo gave me that damn 'but I wanna' look of his!  
  
"Duo your just gonna fall on your ass!" I rolled my eyes into the back of my head.  
  
"I wanna go snow boarding!" Duo threw a temper tantrum like a five year old!  
  
"Oh come on Heero! It'll be fun!" Quatre smiled that stupid grin of his. Damn pacifists! I shot him an evil glare. He flinched.  
  
"PLEASE HEWO!" Duo gave me this innocent look thinking that scrunching up his face like that would instantly make me say 'aw. poor Duo' and let him go all the way to Colorado just to fall down a mountain on his ass with a board strapped to his feet!  
  
"NO! Your just gonna make an ass of yourself!"  
  
"You mean he's just gonna fall on his ass." Wufei added in.  
  
"Heero! Come on! I'll pay for your ticket! I'm already buying everyone else's!" Quatre, being the damn rich boy that he is thought I was cheap and that money is why I didn't want to parade around with Duo in twenty below freezing on top of some god forsaken mountain.  
  
"You can plan on only buying four tickets because there is no way in hell you're going to get my Japanese butt on that plane!"  
  
And the next thing I knew my Japanese butt was on board a plan headed for Colorado so I could watch Duo get his tongue frozen to a ski lift pole! The plan ride how do I put it. SUCKED! I had to sit in between both Duo and Wufei! Then this damn Onna.(Oh my god I sound like Wufei!? See what sitting by him and living with him does to you!) ok then this damn stewardess asked us if we wanted anything to drink before the Damn piece of scrap metal even took off!  
  
"Excuse me sir. Would you like anything to drink?"  
  
"What do you have?" I shouldn't have asked.  
  
"Coke, diet coke, Sprite, Orange Juice, Apple Juice Tea." I swear to god she was gonna make me, Wufei, and believe it or not Duo, DUO of all people fall asleep.  
  
". Root beer, water, Pepsi, Pepsi twist, Diet Pepsi, and coffee,"  
  
"COFFEE!!!!" Duo shot up like a frog that ate a fire cracker.  
  
"Oh shit." I leaned over Duo and hit my head against the window hoping it would crack open and I would fall all six feet out of the plan and break my neck so I wouldn't have to sit by the braided baka while he's high off caffeine and makes the plan crash on a desert island and be stuck with him even longer.  
  
"Would you like Regular or Decaf?"  
  
"FOR GOD SAKES ONNA DECAF!" I thought Wufei's vain was gonna pop out of his fore head.  
  
"REGULAR!" Duo smiled really big knowing that if he had regular coffee and bounced off the walls it would annoy the shit out of us.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"BUT HEEEEEEWWWWOOO!" How I hate it when he does that. He gave me that damn scrunched up face again that made him look like he ran into the back of an eighteen wheeler.  
  
"NO DAMN IT!"  
  
"I WANT COFFEE! I WANT COFFEE!" He literally started crying. A sixteen year old who's seen people die, watched innocent orphans and nuns blow up in flames, and killed oz soldiers cried because he couldn't have a damn cup of coffee!!!  
  
"FINE YOU PAIN IN THE ASS! BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE IT TILL AFTER WE TAKE OFF!" I took the damn coffee and set it on the tray in front of me.  
  
"YAY!" Duo started clapping as if he was at the circus! I wanted to say I'm not Trowa damn it! I'm not a side show, knife throwing, stick my head in a damn lion's mouth freak. And to think he does that for a living.  
  
"Prepare for take off," The pilot went over the PA system while I was still trying to buckle my "easy to use" Seat belt. It's pretty sad. I can hot wire a car, hack into any military base, put a broken bone back into place but can't buckle an airplane seatbelt!  
  
The plane started moving. We started going forward. Faster and faster. Then up. Higher and higher. WHERE WAS THAT DAMN STEWARDESS WHEN I NEEDED HER! Duo thought it was funny and was laughing and snorting. Then suddenly his coffee flew off the tray and flew and spilt on my crotch!  
  
"HOLY SHIT!"Then off course I bent over then hit my head on the damn tray.  
  
"Damn Yuy. that's gotta hurt." Wufei was almost crying he was laughing so hard.  
  
Trowa saw the whole sinario from across the plane and was laughing his white ass off! I felt like beating the tar out of Duo! IT WAS ALL BECAUSE HE HAD TO HAVE HIS DAMN COFFEE!!! Then the damn lady finally came over and had the nerve to ask if anything was wrong!  
  
"No! NOT AT ALL! I JUST FRIED MY FRICKEN CROTCH! BUT NO! NOTHINGS WRONG!" Cause you know that didn't hurt!  
  
While I was in excruciating pain Duo just had to take a piss!  
  
"PISS! GOTTA! URINATE! PISS! NEED TO!"  
  
"Could you please form an actual sentence at which normal beings can understand?" He was so immature and had a bladder the size of a pea.  
  
"GOTTA GO TO THE URIANATION STATION!"  
  
"OH MY GOD YOU PAIN IN MY ASS!"  
  
"Who'd want him in their ass." Wufei sat reading a kantana magazine.  
  
I then glanced over at the window. I saw something move. Was it a bird? A plane? (wait we were in a plane.) superman? OZ? I turned away thinking it was nothing. Then I heard a tap on the glass. I looked over and saw that damn monkey with a butcher knife again.  
  
"HOLY SHIT! THAT LITTLE BASTARD!"  
  
"AHHH! NOT AGAIN! HE'S GONNA EAT US!"  
  
"Duo he's trying to murder us. he's not a can able monkey."  
  
Wufei looked over and saw the little son of a bitch and freaked.  
  
"HOLY SHIT!"  
  
"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"  
  
"SHOOT IT HEWO! SHOOT IT!"  
  
I pulled out my pistol and shot the little SOB! We all sighed. Now if you did hear about our plane ride to Chicago to be on the Jenny Jones show then let me inform you that, that little bastard tried to cut off Duo's braid! Why? We don't know! I think we should have let him! I'm tired of staring at the damn thing myself! But he attacked us on the plane ride! Duo was freaking out. then again I would be too if a freaking monkey was beating on my head with one hand and had a butcher knife in the other. Humans should be the only beings with impossible thumbs damn it!  
  
We thought we'd never see him again since we flushed him down the toilet. But I guess he was back to kill Duo! I really didn't care! I wish he would have so we could have all gone home!  
  
"He's gone Duo get off my arm."  
  
"It smells funny in here." Wufei started sniffing the air.  
  
"uh oh." Duo's eyes got big.  
  
"lemme guess. he scared the piss out of you. literly." I knew we should have made him wear the adult diapers like the old farts do at the nursing homes.  
  
In a way I felt sorry foe Duo. Cause the last time we watched the Wizard of Oz he pead in his pants cause of the flying monkeys. But then I remembered he threw a shoe at the TV and broke it so I didn't feel all that sorry for him.  
  
Duo got up and went to the bathroom to clean up. He lifted up the toilet seat and..  
  
AND SORRY YOU MUST WAIT TILL CHAPTER TWO! THANK YOU!!  
  
~MAL~ 


End file.
